Friday, May 22, 2015

Little Sunshine Boy

The moment I knew he was on his way into this world I had the ominous feeling that he would never know us, his grandparents. I was unable to attend his birth for several reasons that were logical enough for most rational human beings to accept. But we were not dealing with rational beings. And so a grudge was born, along with our grandson. A dark, ugly grudge that reached out to wound us, insult us, and drain us - emotionally, physically and financially.

Finally the court granted us the privilege of meeting our grandson last September, 14 months after his birth. He looked exactly as I thought he would – curly blonde hair, big, soulful brown eyes; an energetic, electric personality like a real life Pikachu with a lightning temper to match. The moment he saw us he smiled as though he’d always known us (especially his father, who hadn’t seen him since he was one month old). We only had 3 hours with him but I can honestly say those were 3 of the happiest hours of my life.

Once visitation was set, my son and husband went up twice a month to see the baby. I get horrendous car sickness and wasn’t included in the visit schedule for that reason. But finally, he was allowed to visit us in our own house for the Thanksgiving Day weekend. He was a little sunshine boy; a delightful bundle of energy whirling through the rooms. He made it truly a time for giving thanks. I’m not a healthy person so keeping up with him was painful and exhausting but I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it.

 I felt as though the whole experience was a dream. Maybe it was. We haven’t seen him since November, except in a couple of photos on Facebook. But I think about him and his father every day (our son married the boy’s mom and moved in with her family, the holders of the before mentioned grudge, in another state.)

It’s difficult to function, not knowing how they are or what they’re doing. I keep my mind busy with my work when I’m able. Or I distract myself with classic films or whatever. But sometimes pain runs so deep it scars your very soul. This is that kind of pain.


One day reality shows will disappear when viewers realize that none of these programs reveal anything "real".

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Disaster Movies

These kinds of films used to be about the characters and their survival. Now it just seems like it's all about how much fakey-looking CGI the animators can stuff in one scene.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015


Right now, with so much turmoil constantly going on in my life, the only thing that seems to ground me, to settle me, and make me feel sane - is scriptwriting.

To quote Joe Gillis, from SUNSET BLVD. (my favorite film): "Audiences don't know somebody sits down and writes a picture; they think the actors make it up as they go along." But that was back in the early 50s. Most of today's viewers know about scripts all too well. I mean, sometimes it looks like every Tom, Dick and Harry - and their mothers and sisters, too - are writing screenplays.

People mistakenly think it's an easy way to strike it rich. Believe me, it is not. Scriptwriting is fun, and rewarding in itself. But you have to study a lot of films to get a rhythm for it. I've been watching movies since I was old enough to sit up. And not just watching, but learning from them. And I've done my homework, studying, writing, revising, keeping up to date on the markets, the style, the industry, etc... but there is no simple, clear path to breaking in. Stronger souls than me have given up trying. But it's in my blood, I guess, because no matter what else I'm doing, I always find my way back to it.

My efforts have been thwarted mainly because 1. I'm female. Women have a tough time getting anywhere in the entertainment industry but especially in any endeavor that takes place behind the cameras. 2. I didn't take college courses on screenwriting and therefore do not have the connections a school might give you. 3. I live out in the boonies in Tennessee. Most writers go to Los Angeles to seek work. And 4. I am a highly sensitive, prone-to-depression, 58 year old agoraphobic. What kind of producer wants to deal with that on top of everything else?

So, my chances of seeing my scripts produced are slim to none. And yet I continue to write them? Why? Because it's who I am. If I manage to get only one to the screen (theater, TV or internet) I'll be happy. If that never happens - well, I've had some fun writing them. And I've actually sold a few as Script Form Novels so I know someone might have enjoyed them. That makes me happy, too.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Cowboy Bebop

Cowboy Bebop is another of my favorite anime series. Very noir, with its jazzy music and cool, calm lead character, Spike Spiegel. It isn't your typical anime. The only teen girl in this one is a computer genius called Edward. It's about bounty hunters in space, basically. But it is also so much more than that. Click HERE to read more about the series.

If you like grown-up anime, film noir, or space opera, this series was made for you. Oh, the movie is really good, too.

Monday, May 18, 2015


Sometimes I feel like I make two steps forward and three steps back! But at least as long as I'm still moving I won't get stuck in the mire. I hope!

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Working Again!

And it feels great! Have been revising a script to get it ready for market. Exhausted, in a good way. I may have finally broken through the writer's block! Yay!

I want to thank everyone who downloaded one of my free ebooks in the last few weeks. I hope you enjoy my stories.

Today - I'm resting, sipping a cup of cool cranberry juice and watching Casablanca on TCM. Nice.